


vimes and Vetinari pissing off the nobles 2k17

by Alexanderthegreatestgay



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 07:59:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9594674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexanderthegreatestgay/pseuds/Alexanderthegreatestgay
Summary: this is the sequel i wrote to a story i havent even freaking finished writing yet because i'm a mess but i guess you can just read it anyway because it makes sense by itself





	

Vetinari smiled across the table at an assemblage of the most important people on the disc. It was not a friendly smile.

The harried looking man whom all the other diplomats lurked behind, like scavengers looking for an opening, had evidently been chosen as the representative of the group despite his protests. He licked his lips an inordinate number of times as Vetinari watched him steadily. The silence stretched out until the man inevitably broke with an "ahem a-well, Lord Vetinari..." but after a moment of blustering, he appeared to regain his righteousness.  "This estimable council has been very tolerant of your reticence with regards to forming a suitable marriage, but even our patience has its limits. You must set an example for your people and lay all these ridiculous rumors to rest. The Ankhmorpork regency has always been a champion of traditional values, and shirking your duty in this manner can no longer be allowed.  We have given you more than enough time to come to a decision and seek your family's blessing. Now the council regrets that it must insist you inform us of your intentions to form an engagement."  
Vetinari remained impassive, as the nobles eyed him hungrily.  
Lady Margolotta gave a sliver of a smile in the background.  
"I thank you for your generosity, Lord Falchstaen. Your understanding of my hesitations is gratefully received.  My return to my city, however, has yielded enlightenment on this matter and it is my pleasure to announce my betrothal. "  
The diplomats around the table applauded lightly, but showed no sign of relaxing.  
"I trust it is a match of standing, as befits the Patrician of Ankhmorpork?" probed the man cautiously.

"My intended has the honour of several titles and a position of great repute in my city. The marriage will favour my family," said Vetinari now letting a hint of admonition into his voice, but keeping his gaze suitably defeated.  
"Indeed, indeed! Well, may I say you have our heartiest congratulations. I cannot wait to meet the lovely lady."  
A smattering of approving noises went around the room as the satisfaction of victory set in.   
Vetinari smiled dangerously.  
"I see no reason to try your patience any further. Your Grace, if you please?"

Vimes stepped from the shadows, face stern. "Your Honours," he saluted, his graveled voice resounding in the shocked silence.  
No one moved to offer him a seat at the table, so he stood at the rear of Vetinari's chair, eyes challenging, posture guarded. The diplomats took him in, agape. This sort of thing was unheard of. All the commoners might be marrying willy nilly these days but the noble class had _never_ stooped to such things. To marry another man...  Of course,  dalliances of a wide variety were commonplace, even encouraged, but this sort of thing... well, it simply wasn't done.

The herald, clearly flustered at the unannounced arrival, hurried forward. "His Grace Sir Samuel Vimes, Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Wat-"

"Yes, yes, ve know," said Margolotta. "But really Havelock, is zis appropriate? Ze council is no place for your jokes."

"My actions are quite sincere I can assure you," said Vetinari,  still smiling faintly.  Vimes, however, was definitely not.

There was a subtle hubbub. Not only was the man, well, a man, but everyone knew that he was just a jumped up watchman who Vetinari had seen fit to reward with title after title. There was no breeding, no understanding of the nobility, no adherence to tradition in him. He wasn't _one of them_.  One had to wonder what sort of bloody game Lord Vetinari thought he was playing.

"Your lordship, please you must understand how this looks," someone chimed in reluctantly.  
"This goes against everything the Ankhmorpork line has stood for! Your royal predecessors would never have condoned such a thing."

Vetinari's expression sharpened.  "If the royal line of Ankhmorpork were to ever return, I would be happy to air their concerns as I do all my people's. Until then,  I suspect I am able to marry as I see fit. After all, the Commander is an excellent candidate for a Patricial spouse. He has proven himself loyal to the city and myself, is of suitable rank and standing, and has my family's blessing. " Lady Meserole had not proven hard to convince upon Vetinari's explanation of his intentions, despite her denouncement of Vimes as an "unredeemable dog person".

The man's face was red and flustered. He seemed unable to comprehend what was happening.  
"But he is a-a commoner! He has no house, no noble family!"

"He is a Duke, and a knight, Lord Greentroth. That is not quite destitute where I come from. And I think you will find if you look back, the Vimes name has quite an illustrious history," Said Vetinari smoothly.

"Yes, well all that aside, there is the obvious issue," said the representative of Ommnia.  
"The church of Om is quite clear with regards to its stance on unions of _this_  sort," he said, as though he were speaking of some kind of irritating boil.  
Vimes' face turned stony, but he said nothing.   
"Of course," said Vetinari, "and it is your right to exercise these teachings within your sovereign borders. Within Ankhmorpork, we have many religions, with astoundingly varied and often conflicting commandments. Most unfortunately, I am therefore unable to comply to all religious stipulations when making decisions as head of state, despite my utmost respect for our many faiths."  
"But Om-"     
"It would not do, as representative of my country, to adhere to one religion over another, Holy Father, as  I'm sure you have experience with,  having many sects under your authority. _So you understand_ , your worship, " said Vetinari with a hint of force as the priest opened his mouth to interrupt again, "why I cannot in good conscience cede to your god's request."  
"You defy Om! You defy this council! This is an outrage I will not stand for!"  
The crowd behind him rumbled, not yet on his side, but infuriated by how Vetinari had embarrassed them, and not ready to let him off the hook.  
Vetinari took in the faces, and each of them had the worrying feeling he was memorising their expressions for future reference.  
"I would never presume to impinge on your religious freedoms by forcing your involvement with something so antithetical to your beliefs. I will withdraw trade relations with Ommnia in as short a time as I can manage to avoid such a breach of your morals."  
He paused, then as though it had just occurred to him, tilted his head and spoke again.  
"Of course, you would then be unable to make use of any goods transported through AnkhMorporkian territories or using our shipping services to ensure your lack of culpability, which would eliminate trade with, oh...you, Lady Margolotta, and Klatch, and the Quirmian lands, and oh dear, weren't their strawberries your mistress' favourite?"  
The man looked around frantically. The nobles behind him were suddenly looking lot less supportive. How had Vetinari known that about Emile? He could feel his argument crumbling under him. If this got out...  
Vetinari continued solemnly, "I'm sure Om will reward your sacrifice on this matter of higher importance, and that Emile, and the rest of your people, will completely understand."

The priest considered this uncomfortably.  In his experiences Om tended to go more in for eternal rewards, and less in for providing 300 tonnes of food for a primarily trade based economy.  This needed careful handling. And then Vetinari signaled to his clerk to make the necessary arrangements and he realised that more than that it needed _fast_ handling.   
  
"Do not presume to know the will of Om!" he blurted out snappishly. "I have prayed to my deity and he has made it clear that this union has his blessing." He glanced anxiously at the ceiling for a moment, but the chandelier remained attached.  
Vetinari clapped his hands together, his face still unrevealing.  
"Excellent. I will await your attendance at the wedding. Do, please, all of you come. I will have Drumknott send out the invitations shortly. We can hardly wait.  
But now, I'm afraid I must attend to my fiancé, if that will be all. He does get so tired, standing on his feet all day."  
And with that Vetinari rose from the table and took Vimes by the arm, leaving the meeting room and a group of shocked heads of state behind him.


End file.
